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When I told you the three things I wanted/needed you took them in your weathered hands and told me no.

It's a shame that all those things don't even concern money.
I'm sorry that your leaves didn't change and I will be there for you when they do turn.

I did a little soul searching this summer. I sat myself down in early June and said to myself, "Look, get over yourself and get out of your tiny ass box. No one else can fit in it and you need to make it just a little bigger." Well, maybe I didn't physically do that but I did it mentally. This summer has brought a lot to mind and I'm realizing who my real friends are, who made an effort and who decided to be fake and not give a shit, which is cool, I never really like you much. You probably won't read this and think it's you but you just add to your fakeness, which is your choice. But I know that the friends that did stay in touch are gonna be there for whatever.

This summer I've mostly preoccupied myself with marching band and traveling. This year was the year that I finally gave in and decided to join band and get over my stupid fears.  That's right, Emily May Johnson is an official band geek. And to add to my feats I flew on a plane BY MYSELF! back from two weeks alone in Georgia.

But what's really disappointing is that I didn't do any writing this summer so I need to get some creative juices flowing. Maybe this new light shed on my life will give me inspiration.

Until Fall,
Emily May
  • Listening to: Good Girls Go Band- Cobra Starship
  • Reading: ugh its required stuff only.
we won't wait
for goodbyes.
we'll sing along with the blue bird.
we'll tease the flowers to come out and play.
and i'll never forget any of it.

summer 09'
  • Listening to: Every Second- A Change of Pace
  • Watching: the summer go by :)
  • Playing: in the pool!
-Forgetting Sarah Marshall

My life now consists of studying, eating and sleeping. Sometimes I fit a bathroom break in there. 9th grade is almost over and I have to say that I didn't accomplish all I wanted to. I wanted to be more outgoing, maybe get a guy...
Oh well, I'm going to be starting marching band soon, I know, really nerdy, but I think it'll be a good experience for me to get out of my comfort zone.

SUMMER 09'!!
(chicas are: erin, mallory, sam, know who you are ;))
  • Listening to: Mockingbird- Eminem
  • Reading: Le Mis
  • Playing: with preserved frogs
They say change is good,
moving on and growing apart.
I've always been afraid of change.
I can't let go,

because when I let go it's like I'm giving up.

(RIP iPod, i love[d] you)
  • Listening to: Mockingbird- Eminem
  • Reading: Le Mis
  • Playing: with preserved frogs
[ ] smoked.
[x] consumed alcohol.
[x] slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex.
[x] slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex.
[] kissed someone of the same sex.
[] had sex.
[x] had someone in your room other than family.
[] watched porn
[] bought porn.
[] tried drugs.


[x] taken painkillers.
[] taken someone else's prescription medicine.
[x] lied to your parents.
[x] lied to a friend.
[]snuck out of the house.
[] done something illegal.
[x] felt hurt.
[x] hurt someone.
[x] wished someone to die.
[] seen someone die.


[] missed curfew.
[x] stayed out all night.
[] eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself
[] been to a therapist.
[] received a ticket.
[ ] been to rehab
[] dyed your hair.
[x] been in an accident.
[ ] been to a club.
[ ] been to a bar


[] been to a wild party
[] been to a Mardi Gras parade.
[] drank more than three alcoholic beverages in a night.
[x] had a spring break in Florida.
[] sniffed anything
[x] wore black nail polish
[] wore arm bands.
[x] wore t-shirts with band names.
[x] listened to rap.
[x ] owned a 50 Cent CD.


[] dressed gothic
[x] dressed girly.
[] dressed punk.
[] dressed grunge.
[x] stole something.
[] been too drunk to remember anything.
[x] blacked out.
[] fainted.
[x] had a crush on a neighbor.


[x] had a crush on a friend.
[x] been to a concert.
[] humped someone
[] been called a slut.
[x] called someone a slut.
[ ] installed speakers in your car.
[x] broken a mirror.
[x] showered at someone of the opposites sex's house.
[x] brushed your teeth with someone else's toothbrush.


[x] considered Ludacris your favorite rapper.
[] seen an R-rated movie in theater.
[x] cruised the mall.
[x] skipped school.
[] had surgery.
[x] had an injury.
[] gone to court.
[x] walked out of a restaurant without paying/tipping.
[x] caught something on fire.
[x] lied about your age.


[ ] owned/rented an apartment/house.
[ ] broke the law in the police's presence.
[ ] made out with someone who had a gf/bf
[ ] got in trouble with the police.
[x] talked to a stranger.
[] hugged a stranger.
[] kissed a stranger.
[x] rode in the car with a stranger
[x] been harassed.
[x] been verbally harassed.


[] met face-to-face with someone you met online.
[x] stayed online for 5+ hours straight.
[] talked on the phone for more than 4 hours straight.
[] watched TV for 5 hours straight.
[x] been to a fair.
[x] been called a bad influence.
[ ] drank and drove.
[x] prank-called someone.
[x] laid on a couch with someone of the opposite sex.
[x] cheated on a test.


If You Have Less Than 10.. write [I'm a Goody Goody]
If You Have More Than 10.. write [I'm still a goody goody]
If You Have more Than 20..write [I'm average]----------LIKE ALWAYS FUCK YOU G-d.. nah, you're a pretty cool guy.
If You Have More Than 30..write [I'm a bad kid]
If You have more than 40..write [I'm a very bad influence]
If You Have more than 50..write [I'm a horrible person]
If You Have more than 60..write [I should be in jail]
If You Have more than 70..Write [I should be dead]
  • Listening to: Mockingbird- Eminem
  • Reading: Le Mis
  • Playing: with preserved frogs
You complimented my music.
It's nice to know that nice guys still exist.
  • Listening to: Lithium- Evanescence
  • Playing: with dead worms :)
So, I finished The Elephant Man.
20 pages to the end I was a mess.
I'm so damn emotional, but it was a really amazing book with a perfect ending.

School is almost over and I can't wait for summer. Sleeping in, being in a bathing suit ALL DAY and most of all band camp. I know it's super nerdy but I'm really excited to do marching band. :D

Oh, btw.
New poem up, go check it out.
It's one of my favorites.
  • Listening to: Chokechain- 3OH!3
  • Reading: Angels and Demons- Dan Brown
  • Playing: with moose.
I'm too good for you.
What else is new?

It's Ok, I'll just go back to acting like you don't exist.
  • Listening to: Thicker Than Blood- Keep Me Conscious
  • Reading: Angels and Demons- Dan Brown
  • Watching: Lost, what else?
  • Playing: with moose.
I listen to rap.
Straight up.
Some people say it's a waste of music, but I disagree.
I don't listen to that "bootylicious ghetto shawty let's have sex right now" fake stuff but the real stuff.
Eminem is my hero because he doesn't care what other people think and he tells things the way they are.

So don't question my taste in music because you wouldn't question Eminem.
  • Reading: Angels and Demons- Dan Brown
  • Watching: Lost, what else?
  • Playing: with moose.
TEN things you wish you could say to ten different people right now:

1. I wish you would listen to me more. I feel like the only way to get close to you is by pretending like I care.
2. I want you to be around more often. I miss having someone to actually talk to.
4. You could have someone so much better than him, someone who will actually take care of you instead of the other way around. I know you know it too and one day you'll stop pretending. I also think that you know the most about me because of what you read here.
6. You make me feel so inferior to you, like everything I do is stupid and pointless. You know the most about me and I wish you would just give in to my self confidence issues. You know the most about me but I don't think you quite understand me.
7. Why won't you call me more often?
8. You are my inspiration and the day you leave me will be the day that I will lose myself for a while. And after you leave, I hope you help me carry on all I have learned from you.
9.  I hope your daughter doesn't turn out to be like you, because you aren't much of a role model. Neither is your niece.
10. I wish I met  you. I feel like that hole that I try to fill is because you left before I even laid my big brown baby eyes on you.

NINE things about yourself:

1. Music truly is my life and my escape. I could get lost in it.
2. My insecurities are what hold me back from being the bold person I know I am underneath.
3. I can't whistle to save my life.
4. I'm afraid of change because I get really comfortable in my little box.
5. Being away from my family scares me but once I leave it's the most amazing feeling ever.
6. I'm really not as tough as I make myself out to be.
7. I'm extremely honest  and I think that's what drives people away from me.
8. I a lot smarter than I give myself credit for.
9. I hate unclean bathrooms. Seeing hair on the counter almost makes me throw up. I think it's a problem.

EIGHT ways to win your heart:

1. Making me laugh.
2. Being honest.
3. Laughing at my jokes.
4. Having a smile that makes me melt.
5. Telling me I'm beautiful even when I'm wearing nothing but sweats and a baggy old t-shirt, which is my wardrobe most of the time.
6. Telling me a secret that no one else knows.
7. Being good with kids. Major turn on.
8. Talking to me about things you wouldn't tell you friends about.

SEVEN things that cross your mind a lot:

1. What the fuck am I doing here?
2. I'm SOOOO hungry.
3. Ok, I should probably do my homework now.
4. Huh?
5. Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale. (etc)
6. I'm pretty funny aren't I?

SIX things you do before you fall asleep:

1. Clean my bathroom/pee/brush my teeth/wash my face.
2. Stare in front of the mirror and make facial expressions.
3. Click the fan two times.
4. Find a comfortable spot in my sheets (this could take several minutes).
5. Put my retainer in.
6. Read a really amazing book.

FIVE people of the opposite sex who mean a lot to you:

1. My dad.
2. My grandpa.
3. JESUS. (gotta respect the guys upstairs)
4. Dante
5. Cody
6. HWSNBN (he who shall not be named :])

FOUR things you're wearing right now:

1. My all time favorite green Victoria Secret boyshorts underwear with the writing on them.
2. My green way-too-short-to-wear-in-public pajama pants with the peace signs on them.
3. Relay for Life shirt.
4. A black bra.

THREE songs that you listen to often:

1. How Far We've Come- Matchbox Twenty
2. Mockingbird- Eminem
3. All the Above- Maino Ft. T-Pain

TWO things you want to do before you die:

1. Face my fear of falling by skydiving.
2. Travel the world with someone I love.

ONE confession:

1. I think about love and sex more than people think, like what it would be like to just fall into someone I love more than words. How would I feel? What would it be like? I wish, when I do finally give myself to someone else, that it would be perfect, not a mistake like most kids I know who've just thrown away their innocence. I want to be so in love that I can feel it from my head to my toes. I want to know what it feels like to be loved back.
  • Listening to: We Made You- Eminem
  • Reading: Angels and Demons- Dan Brown
  • Watching: Lost, what else?
  • Playing: with moose.
New photo up from Relay For Life last night.
Most inspiring, beautiful, amazing night in a long time.

Today I think I'll chill.
It's been a long time since I've put my mood as something happy. :]
  • Listening to: Fuck You- Lily Allen
I missed you too.
By the way, did I tell you I hate you today?
  • Listening to: Not Fair- Lily Allen
The one day I decide that it's no use -we never talk, we never see each other, I'm not cool enough for you- I see you all day and you randomly show up in my classes.

We are acquaintances, it's just easier to leave it that way. The way it was before.
  • Listening to: Save You- Kelly Clarkson
  • Reading: What Time Devours
1. I bit the inside of my bottom lip and/or chew on my left thumb when I'm nervous.
2. I'm afraid of Santa Clause at the mall.
3. I have an unhealthy addiction with Facebook and iChat.
4. And also with deviantART :d
5. Rap and McDonald's fries are my guilty pleasures.
6. Climbing three flights of stairs aren't my idea of fun.
7. I fall for guys that, when I'm done obsessing over them, I wonder why the hell I liked them in the first place. (Erin, no comment.)
8. I love my mom to death but I love the time that I'm far away from her. Like 5,000 miles is nice.
9. My life isn't as perfect as I make it out to be.
10. I complain about the flute but really it's my saving grace.
11. English is my least favorite subject but writing is one of my passions, even though I haven't written something that I've put on DA in a while.
12. LOST is amazing and without it my Wednesdays would be incomplete.
13. It's nerdy, but I love spanish and want to learn to speak it fluently.
14. No matter how much sleep I get, I always wake up cranky in the morning.
15. My favorite number is 47.
16. Eggs are one of my favorite foods even though some people don't like them.
17. I want to travel around the world before I turn 30 and have kids by the time I'm 32. I don't want to get married until I'm done traveling unless my husband wants to travel with me. A travel buddy would be nice :].
  • Listening to: If I Don't Have You- Kelly Clarkson
  • Reading: What Time Devours- (I have no idea right now :d)
We keep trying to cover it up, this elephant. We keep trying to push it back into the closet it came from, to bury it beneath the cold earth. We all know that there's no avoiding it but we do the best we can to hide it.

Could it be possible that your perfect daughter isn't so perfect?
I guess we'll just have to bury that too.
Is the one where I'm wearing my peace pajamas and my favorite t-shirt with the world exploding on the back.

Also, it's the one where I'm wearing this face.
How ironic.
when I say the stupidest things ever?

Lost is calling me, but I can't even seem to concentrate on that because the one chance I get to say something, anything, when I came home, I blew it.

I might as well forget it.
At least I'm ten pounds lighter :]
and so is my wallet but that deserves a smiley face too :D
I said some things I wish I had said to your face,
now my face is just filled with regrets.

Wishing: I was back home, because this isn't home.